ABOUT THE BEST OF ME
ABOUT THE WEBMASTER
My name is Samantha. I think I've said my last name a few times online, but I don't want to leave that on this website so if you don't know it now, I'm sorry but you're never going to know it. You can call me Sam. You might also know me as Hansel, Nara, etc, depending on who you are. I'm seventeen years old and I've always been scared of turning eighteen, but I think that I'm ready to face it. It's scary but I can do this. I'm Cambodian-American. My mother's side is Khmer, but the type of Khmer that has really close Chinese relatives so they're super pale. My father's side is Black-American.
I am not mentally stable. This has been a struggle that I've had to deal with for most of my life, but I think I'm ready to keep fighting for even longer if it means I can finally be happy eventually. I've been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, bipolar II disorder, and PTSD (would most likely be C-PTSD under the ICD). My psychologist has also brought up BPD a few times, but I think most of the symptoms can be explained by my other diagnoses, so it doesn't matter to me. I'm currently taking 50mg of lamotrigine and 25mg of Symbyax (fluoxetine + olanzapine). It used to help, but I think I'm in the middle of a breakthrough episode and it feels like I'm going to die basically any minute now.
THINGS THAT I LOVE
These are grouped together based on category. Movies/TV shows, music-related stuff, video games, scents, etc. Just everything that I adore.
Oz (HBO), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1 and 2, Saw series, Final Destination series, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, The Wire, It Follows, films directed by Wes Anderson, Amadeus, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Mysterious Skin, Romeo and Juliet (1968), The View Askewniverse, Spiderverse, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Zoolander, Withnail and I, Kill Bill
Descendents, Bad Religion, Crystal Castles, Massive Attack, KMFDM, Linkin Park, 100 gecs, Alexisonfire, Fall Out Boy, Dance Gavin Dance, Boys Night Out, Orchid, Queens of the Stone Age, Brand New, The Cure, The Starting Line (fun fact, the name of this website is from one of their songs), Green Day, The Smiths, Nero's Day at Disneyland, Jeff Buckley, Akira Yamaoka soundtracks, The Offspring, Elliott Smith, Fiona Apple, Perfume, Phyrnna, Say Anything
Tower defense games in general, idle/incremental/clicker games, Kingdom of Loathing, Pokemon series (and competitive play), Muse Dash, Resident Evil series, Osu!, Silent Hill Series, Roblox (primarily asymmetrical games and Something Evil Will Happen), Dead by Daylight, Lisa RPG series, Don't Starve, Project Zomboid, Monkey Go Happy series, Learn to Fly series, Ao Oni, Mortal Kombat Series, Mad Father, Misao, Strange Men series, IMSCARED, Spooky's Jumpscare Mansion, LittleBigPlanet 2 + 3, The Sims series, Left 4 Dead 2, Spore, Epic Battle Fantasy + Bullet Heaven series
Bath and Body Works scents (Strawberry Pound Cake, Sunshine Mimosa, Gingerbread Latte, Raspberry Holiday Pie Bar), Bodycology scents (Frosted Berries, Strawberry Cheesecake), the smell of wet grass/dew, any warm and cinnamon-y scents (snickerdoodle, pumpkin spice, apple pie, etc)
Programming (I obviously know web development, but I also like Python and Java), crocheting, writing, reading, microbiology, virology, immunology, film theory, consuming and comparing frozen food brands (my absolute favorite is Marie Callendar's), comic books, and I don't really know what else because I've stopped gaining enjoyment from most things recently, but it's okay.
Fun Facts About Me
- I can lick my elbow
- The first video game I ever played was Pokémon Leaf Green on an emulator
- My family used to have a Golden Retriever named Max
- My favorite things to study outside of STEM are European history and psychology!
- I love you!
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
I guess this can also be called my manifesto. I'm not really a webmaster that's dissatisfied with the current state of social media, but what I am unhappy with is the fact that I've been repressing so many aspects of myself for so long. Making websites is how I've expressed myself. I used to make Carrds and Rentries back in the day (and even owned a hoard, if you recognize my interests you probably know exactly what hoard I owned), but regardless of how many I made I would always just pretend to be someone else. I'd keep my interests and hobbies and socials the same, but I would fake my age, gender, nationality, name, etc, just because I didn't want to show who I actually was. Neocities is like the successor of Carrd and Rentry for me, and I'm not taking the opportunity to show off all the fun parts of myself and my life for granted.
Back in middle school, I was also friends with a bunch of other minorities that you could basically call "pick-mes". I found myself hiding various aspects of myself so that I wouldn't be seen as cringe or whatever. This website is also an opportunity for me to just release the beast when it comes to all of my stupid interests and thoughts. I've had a lot of time to ruminate over the course of my life, but not a lot of time to actually share the products of my ruminations. I hope you enjoy what I have to share with the world.